Friday, September 17, 2010

I used to be perfect...

Today I find myself reflecting a lot on the few weeks before my car accident. Sure, I had problems like any normal girl, and I faced issues with my body (am I breaking out? are these clothes flattering? etc.) but I was perfect. I was pretty; I was strong - with a bright smile and hearty laugh. I was comfortable with myself and I loved myself. I realize that the things I'm describing were not really impacted by my car accident; in fact, all of my physical features and my outward appearance wasn't hurt by the accident at all, except for the various scars now garnishing my body. What changed is how I feel about myself, how I see myself.

Before my car accident, I was happy and beautiful and sparkly. Now I am broken and self-conscious and small. It's not about how I look - like I said, I look practically the same. But I feel so much different. How can I be the same person who would walk to work in high heels, laughing and smiling and stopping for coffee? Sure, I had problems with myself then, but I loved myself and I was perfect. Now everything is different. I just want to go back to who I was, to how I was, back to normal. Will I ever be like that again? Will I ever get back to normal?

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