Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Lonely Body

I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend. He is my best friend, and he's been with me for years. We've been through so much together; he's given me strength throughout this whole ordeal and I don't think I could be where I am today without him. I love him very much, and even in my broken state nothing feels better than having him near me or having him hold me.

Last year we spent every night together. And even on days when we were really busy we were able to snuggle next to each other and fall asleep. It was perfect. This year we still try to spend a lot of time together, but we're both really busy (him with school and work, me with therapy and recovering, and also school). On nights like tonight he goes back to his place and spends the night at his own apartment. I love him and I love his place, but I miss him terribly when he's gone. His apartment has a lot of stairs, so it's not really convenient for me to spend much of my time there. He spends the night with me at my place often, but the nights when he leaves I feel the most broken, the most fragile.

Maybe that's silly. I mean, he's right across campus. And it's not like I just sit around and mope for him when he's gone; I get busy with school work and exercises and online shopping (naturally). It's just when he's around I feel loved and when I'm caught up in the moment with him, I can forget that I'm broken. I forget that my body is crippled and ugly, and instead I feel happy and pretty. I can stand up and hug him and he holds me tightly and sways back and forth so it's like it used to be when we would dance together. He gives me hope and strength, and when he leaves I revert to being small and broken and lonely.

As for tonight, I leave you with this song. It has always been one of my favorites, but since my accident I feel it relates even more: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h19GyB11UNI&feature=related

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