Flashbacks.

This weekend my boyfriend and I are taking a last-minute trip to Denver. I was very recently offered a job position there for next year, so we are going to check out the city and evaluate it on how well I will be able to get around. Hopefully a year from now I will be walking and so we aren't necessarily looking at the handicap-accessibility. But I cannot honestly say whether I will be driving a year from now, and from what I think I know Denver is very much a car-town. Before I can accept the job position, I need to know if I will be able to get to my job! If possible, I am hoping to end up somewhere next year where I can use a safe, reliable public transportation system. That way, even if I am able to drive again, I don't have to feel pressured to. My body is definitely recovering, but emotionally I am not recovered or prepared to drive. Even as a passenger of a car, the slightest unexpected movement can cause flashbacks of my accident and sobs to stream down my face. However, there aren't many cities in the country with safe, reliable public transit systems, so my options are few. In any case, Denver this weekend should be exciting!

Preparing for the plane is another story full of its own flashbacks, though. This is my first time going through airport security with metal plates, so I'm a little nervous as to how it will go. I called my doctor wondering if I need a note, and the receptionist said to just tell them in advance and show them the scars (!!) so that they are aware of it. Should be exciting!

This is also my first time flying since I was medically flown home two weeks after my accident. I spent the first two weeks in a hospital in Canada, and then I took a small private flight (large enough for a stretcher and my mom, and then the pilots) back here. I remember being so excited to finally be going back home - not to my house, but at least to my home country. I was also very nervous... In the car accident I suffered a collapsed lung and a badly bruised on-the-verge-of-collapsing other lung. Even though my lung had reinflated and healed at the time of departure, there was a concern that the high altitude and change of air pressure could do more damage on my lung. Luckily that didn't happen and I landed safely back home, but thinking about flying this weekend, the threat of danger returns and chokes me. Silly, I know. This time it's a commercial flight, not a medical flight, and I know that it should go smoothly. Sometimes I just can't get past these lingering flashbacks.

-Amanda